A player plays with his brown toy horsey. When playing with the horsey, an animation appears showing the character playing with it. Text appears above the character's head saying, Just say neigh to gambling! The text displayed when playing with the horsey used to be three horse related-phrases: Come on Dobbin, we can win the race! When playing with the horsey, an animation appears showing the character playing with it. Text appears above the character's head, saying Just say neigh to gambling! The text displayed when playing with the horsey used to be three horse related-phrases: Come on Dobbin, we can win the race!

Personalize your phone with pets sound effects or wild animals sounds and enjoy this animal ringtones app! Have Animal Planet on your smartphone with the “best animal ringtones 2015”! Listen how pigs squeak, horses say neigh, bees buzz, cow moo sound, sheep sounds, snakes hiss and enjoy sounds of farm and “jungle animal sounds”! In a hotfix today, Jagex removed all three of the horse’s phrases, replacing it with one: “Just say neigh to gambling!” On the forums, Mod Emilee posted to announce the change, reminding players that gambling is not supported by Jagex.

I have never seen the point of horses. They are little more than tall dogs with inappropriately long faces. But if you dare mention it in front of them, they will not hesitate to bite your arm off and then kick you to death. They don’t care if there are witnesses, either. I have never seen such arrogance.

Perhaps I am bitter because a horse tried to kill me once. I went out of my way to treat it as an equal, but the moment I climbed onto its back and told it what to do, it took off like a rocket and did everything in its power to get rid of me. Needless to say, it was a black horse.

This morning the Bad Yellow-Eyed Woman began babbling excitedly about the Durban July. She thinks that because I grew up in Durban, I should have the inside track on a race that’s been run every year since 1897. I was raised in a miasma of marijuana and mosquitoes in a suburb devoid of anyone who wasn’t a reasonable facsimile of me and my family. I think I saw my first horse about the same time I saw my first darkie. It’s quite possible the darkie was on the horse. Or maybe stealing the horse. I seem to remember gunshots.

I might have been a juvenile delinquent, but I was also a political neophyte. “So they can’t have the vote just because they don’t look like us?” I asked my mother. “No,” she said. “They can’t have the vote because they are horses.” This seemed terribly unfair. “And the others?” My mother sighed heavily and explained about apartheid, which made even less sense than the story she told me about horses having to wear shoes.

Skipping ahead. The Bad Yellow-Eyed Woman suggested this morning that we should have a flutter. This is code used by the upper middle classes. We don’t speak openly of gambling because, as far as sins go, it’s right up there with gluttony and coveting your neighbour’s ass.

I have never shied away from things that might consign me to eternal damnation because they are usually the most fun. Besides, I have survived many Durban summers. Hell will be a piece of cake.

The betting shop nearest to my home is in Muizenberg. The closest cheap drugs and whores can also be found there. This should be seen as a failing of my own area rather than a feather in Muizenberg’s cap.

Pausing only to pat Cerberus three times, I strode through the entrance like a lion from zion. One cannot show fear in the tote or the tab or whatever it is these godforsaken places are called. I helped the Bad Yellow-Eyed Woman over the sleeping security guard at the top of the stairs and entered what appeared to be some kind of twilight zone for the living dead.

I felt right at home. It was like being in the grungiest bar at the most derelict end of the universe. I bellied up to the counter and ordered a brandy and coke. A woman with the eyes of a sedated panda shook her head, then opened her mouth and made a sound like someone shoveling wet gravel off a concrete floor.

The Bad Yellow-Eyed Woman was standing at another counter marked “Fixed Odds” arguing with someone who looked like he might have been the trigger man in the Sea Cottage shooting. I shouted across the room that the odds didn’t matter since all the races were fixed, anyway. If the punters had the strength to get off their chairs, they would have lynched me.

We found a rickety wooden table etched in a shaky hand with someone’s last will and testament. I picked up a booklet containing information about the pedigree and bloodline of every horse, trainer, jockey and owner. It was very complicated. I didn’t know if I was looking at the animal’s age, weight or odds.

I went over to one of the betting counters and put it all on number 25, my lucky number. The bookie gave me the lazy eye and said there were only 20 horses in the race. “I knew that,” I said. “What about this 52kg three-year-old? Is that the horse or the jockey?” She ignored me so I asked if she thought Magnificent Seven had a chance, but she said he had been scratched for coughing. “Seems a bit harsh,” I said. “Maybe he was just a little horse.” She asked me to step away from the counter.

My concubine backed Eyes Wide Open for a win. I put everything on Do It Again. You would have to be retarded not to bet on the favourite. Even if you don’t make much money, you still feel like a winner. I don’t know if he was the favourite. I just liked the name.

We went home to watch the event in an environment free of decomposing geriatrics coughing up bits of liver and showering the room with flesh-eating bacteria. Watching horses is not like watching rugby, where one must spend the entire day drinking heavily and gnawing on the flesh of dead animals. The main race at the Durban July is like good sex – it’s over in two minutes.

Obviously my horse won. One of the animals broke its leg and was shot in the head. Somehow it was my fault. She vowed never again to support this filthy bloodsport. “If lame horses get shot, why don’t they shoot lame jockeys?” she shouted.

Now that I am a winner, I want to see a lot more racing going on. Why stop with horses? Our game reserves are full of animals with nothing to do. Let’s saddle up the rhinos and unleash them at Greyville next year. We can even have animals riding other animals. Like meerkats on warthogs. Or aardvarks on lions. I’d put money on that.

Game info

Why not bring the thrill of the races to your phone, with Past the Post slot game? With fun, cartoonish graphics, Past the Post pays tribute to good old-fashioned British racing with all the excitement of the Grand National.

Similarly to other big Eyecon slots like Stampede, there are an impressive 243 ways to win. There are plenty of trophies and rosettes to be won, as Past the Post incorporates awards into the game, so you feel like you're saddling up every time you spin.

With lots of bonuses and heaps free spins on offer, the real question is – will you be first past the post?

How to play

Unlike most Eyecon games, you can't change the number of paylines to play with. So, you just need to choose your bet, click Spin and land the 10 paytable symbols in any of the potential 25 paylines.

Pay table symbols (from least to most valuable)

• Spectator
• Bookie
• Jockey
• Lady
• Grey horse
• Brown horse
• 3rd place GG
• 2nd place GG
• 1st place GG
• Champagne

Just Say Neigh To Gambling Bot

Bonus symbols

• Tote bag
• Trophy

Just Say Neigh To Gambling

Bonus featuresFree games are triggered when three or more of the tote bag symbols land anywhere on the reels. The number of free spins awarded depends on the decision you make.

Just Say Neigh To Gambling Osrs

You can choose 20 free spins with twice the prize value, 15 with thrice the value, 10 with four times the value, eight with five times the value or five with 10 times the amount. But which will you pick?

Free games can be triggered a maximum of 15 times, and a counter will appear in the top left corner to show the player how many spins are left.

Just Say Neigh To Gambling Money

If that wasn't enough to tickle your fancy, the wild trophy substitutes all symbols in winning paylines apart from the scatter tote bag, appearing on lines two, three and four only.